Processing the Loss of My High-Achieving Self
I’ve lived my entire life as the high-achieving girl. Constantly on the Honor Roll in elementary school, Top 10 in high school, high G.P.A, gifted programs, and advanced classes galore.
Even my career began at 21, just 4 months after I finished my 3rd degree.
I was becoming the woman of my dreams until I got a glimpse of her reality.
If you asked me to close my eyes and envision success two years ago, here’s what I’d see:
Myself dressed in sharp business clothes, standing inside an achromatic office with huge glass windows overlooking a city. I’m disgustingly educated, working as an executive, and my leadership style isn’t the kindest (think a mellow Miranda Priestly).
I reside in a gated community where I keep my extensive bag & jewelry collection and park my Range Rover or Porsche Cayenne. I give empowering “girl boss” speeches and spend my free time indulging in expensive luxuries. I’d have a family of my own if my career didn’t get in the way, but accepted that it could.
After finishing the first year of my career, I realized that the idealized path I had in mind completely contradicts my soul. My high-achieving tendencies would eventually lead me to a spiritual deficit.
I’ve learned that just because I possess the competency and work ethic to achieve something doesn’t mean I must act on it. I can choose to conserve my mental and creative energy.
None of the ladder climbing, materialism, or social status matters in the long run. Quite frankly, it doesn’t even matter in the short run!
Many people with this conventional success struggle with internal satisfaction, love, peace, and regulation.
You have accolades, but…
How many times have you explored a new hobby for fun?
What do you do to introspect?
When was the last time you took a walk and observed your five senses?
Where do you feel the most connected to yourself?
Have you journaled about the small things you’re grateful for?
How do you view yourself without external validation?
Who are you without success?
I didn’t know a life without achievement. While I hold gratitude for where it led me, my remaining path would’ve been pitiful had I not woken up.
